Brotherly Love?
by Bow to me Fools BOW I SAY
Summary: Edward Elric has begun to take classes at Ouran High School, and he has a strange connection to Tamaki Suoh. What could it be? Could Ed have an ulterior motive? Why are you still reading this crappy summary and not the story? Why? Why!
1. New Student

**A/N: Hello, fanfiction readers! I know I should be working on my other story, and I will! Soon! But not now. Here's a plotbunny that's been bugging me for a while and is a bit more seasonal!**

"… and a new student is joining us today," announced the representative of class 1A, Kazukiyo Soga, "Could you stand up, please, Edward?"

An annoyed grunt was heard, and the new student stood up. He wasn't exactly what you'd call tall. In fact, he was probably less than 5 ft. He had golden eyes, long blond hair that was held back in a braid, and an air about him that said he'd rather be anywhere, anywhere at all, other than where he was now.

When lunch came around, the twins and Haruhi went to eat in the classroom. They found Edward there.

"We should go welcome him to Ouran," said the twins to Haruhi, both wearing identical devilish grins.

"You two are just going to go over there and harass him, aren't you?" she said matter-of-factly.

"Why, Haruhi! Do you really think so low of us?" said Hikaru.

"Why would we ever do such a thing?" said Kaoru. Haruhi rolled her eyes.

Edward was glaring into space when the twins reached him.

"Hey, there," they said. Edward shifted his glare to them, a silent warning to get the fuck away from him. Of course, there was no way the Hitachiin twins would leave something be once they were interested in it.

"Do you think it speaks, Kaoru?'

"I can't be sure, Hikaru."

Edward grumbled and turned away from the two, hoping they'd go away if he ignored them. Alas, 'twas not to be.

"I think we've annoyed it, Hikaru."

"It's hard to tell, Kaoru. Its features are too small to make out."

At this, Ed stood up, his eyes murderous. He grabbed the front of their shirts and yelled "WHO'RE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK MIDGET SO SMALL A SPECK OF DUST CAN BE SEEN EASIER THAN HIM! ! !"

"Looks like it talks," said the twins. This only served to make Ed even more angry.

"WHY I OUGHTA…" he began, but was cut off by Haruhi saying "Will you keep it down? I'm trying to study."

"Why are you studying during lunch?" the twins asked. Ed dropped them.

"Because this is a classroom. People come here so they won't be bugged by jackasses like you. So why don't you get the hell out of here."

"Whatever," said Hikaru.

"This was getting boring anyway," said Kaoru. They picked themselves up and walked out the door, saying "See you after school, Haruhi!" Ed turned towards Haruhi.

"Are you actually friends with those jerks?" he asked. She shrugged.

"You get used to them," she said, "I'm Haruhi Fujioka, by the way."

"Edward Elric." He stuck his hand in his pockets.

Haruhi went back to studying and Ed started to look around the room. Now that his annoyance and anger had dulled, his natural curiosity began to come out. After a few minutes he turned back to Haruhi.

"Hey, Fujioka." She looked up. "Do you happen to know a guy named Tamaki Suoh?"

"Yeah, actually."

"Stupendous," he muttered, "Know where I can find him?"

"Why are you asking when you don't want to know?"

Edward started.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, not looking at her.

"Well, your tone of voice makes it pretty obvious that you're avoiding him."

"Am not!" He crossed his arms and turned away from her.

"Sure," she said sarcastically.

He turned back around and was about to say something, but just then the door swung open revealing a one Tamaki Suoh grinning from ear to ear. He bounded over to Haruhi and caught her in a tight hug, saying "Daddy wanted to come visit you during lunch time!"

"Senpai, get off of me," she said, her voice muffled by his shoulder. He didn't hear her at all. She managed to wriggle out of his grasp just enough to see over his shoulder.

"So, if you're not trying to avoid him, why are you backing into the darkest corner of the room?"

Ed let out a low growl. He had been discovered. Tamaki turned around to see who Haruhi was talking to. When he saw Ed his eyes widened in shock, then excitement. He practically flew across the room and tackled Ed in an even tighter hug than he'd given Haruhi. Ed was twitching so much it was as if he was having some kind of a seizure, but Tamaki didn't notice.

"Way to go, Fujioka," he said over Tamaki's shoulder. Haruhi smiled apologetically.

"Get off of me, you moron!" Ed yelled.

"Nonsense! I haven't seen you in years and I've missed you so much and…" He went on and on like that, causing Ed to moan in annoyance.

"Uh, Senpai? How exactly do you two know each other?" Haruhi asked. Tamaki finally let go of Ed, who leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths.

"Why, Haruhi, don't you see the resemblance?" Tamaki asked. Haruhi looked closer. There was a bit of a resemblance, and their voices sounded a lot alike, as well. Tamaki smiled and put his arm across Ed's shoulders.

"Edward, here, is my little brother!"

Ed punched him in the arm.

"What was that for?' Tamaki asked, completely confused.

"I'M NOT LITTLE, YOU JERK! ! !"

Tamaki realized that he had upset his brother and so went to the nearest Corner of Gloom, saying "I'm sorry. I'd forgotten that you don't like to be called small."

Ed's eyebrow twitched and he pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering why in _holy hell_ he'd had to come.

**A/N: What a twist! **

**No?**

**Well, fine, be that way! **

**Imma still update and continue this! **


	2. Q & A

**A/N: I just realized that I haven't done a disclaimer yet! Oh agony! Oh woe! Oh…**

**You guys didn't really think that this shit was my shit, right? 'Cuz this shit is Bisco Hatori's and Hiromu Arakawa's shit. I mean, shit! **

**Tamaki: Stop saying the "s" word!**

**Me: Okay! Jeez… Anyways**

**Disclaimer: I own none of this. **

Tamaki quickly recovered from his little "Corner of Gloom" episode and began to ask Ed questions.

"How long are you staying? Why didn't you tell me you were coming? Where are you staying? What…" Ed covered his mouth to stop him.

"This is _not_ permanent and I am _not_ staying with you."

"But why didn't you let me know you were coming?"

"He was avoiding you," Haruhi answered for Ed.

"No! I…" Ed paused and looked at Tamaki, rethinking his answer.

"Actually, yeah, I was," he decided. Tamaki looked stricken.

"B-but don't you love your big brother?" he asked, on the verge of unnecessary, dramatic tears. Ed looked away and let out a noncommittal grunt. Apparently, Tamaki took that as a "yes" because he stopped his theatrics and gave Ed another hug.

"If you keep hugging me like that I'll leave right now. No matter what Colonel Bastard says."

"You shouldn't use language like that. It's disrespectful."

Ed rolled his eyes.

"So, Senpai, do you have any other family you're not telling us about?" Haruhi asked. She wasn't really interested, but as long as they were in the classroom with her she couldn't get any studying done.

"As a matter of fact, I do," Tamaki said. He turned to Ed, "I was kind of wondering why he isn't here."

Ed knew who he was talking about.

"Well, you see, uh, the principal of the military school Al and I go to said that only one of us could come and Al was, um, busy." Ed put on a large, fake smile. Tamaki bought it.

Tamaki was upset that Al couldn't come but was still overjoyed that at least Ed was able to. He figured he would write Al about everything later.

"Well, then, I suppose I'll give you a tour of the school!" he said, latching onto Ed's arm and pulling him towards the door.

"F-Fujioka. Help," Ed pleaded over the monologue Tamaki had begun about Ouran.

"Senpai, we have classes we need to get to," she said.

"Oh, yeah."

_It's like he's just learning this now,_ she thought.

"I guess I got a little carried away." He laughed nervously.

"We'll do this some other time, 'kay, Ed? Bye, now!" He waked out of the room.

Once he was gone, Ed put his hands on Haruhi's shoulders and said "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it. He does the same thing to me all the time," she said. Ed let her go and sat down.

"This is so stupid. Why _here_?" He put his head on the desk and didn't say anything more for the rest of the period.

TheLine!SheHasBroken! 

What Ed had told Tamaki was a lie. As we all know, Ed and Al don't attend a military school, or any school at all, for that matter. Ed is in the military, itself.

A few days before, Colonel Mustang had called Ed and Al into his office.

"I've got a mission for you, Fullmetal," he said.

"It'd better not be another dud. I'm sick of not getting anywhere with this," said Ed.

"Actually, Fullmetal, this has nothing to do with the stone."

"What! ? ! You can't do that!" Ed yelled.

"Yes, I can."

"But, sir… !" began Al.

"Just hear me out, kid. The fact of the matter is you're the only one who can make this work."

Ed grumbled but began to listen.

"There's a man living in a country called Japan. He's a murderer and thief and likes to make quite a show of himself."

"Why haven't they caught him yet?" asked Al.

"Apparently, he's a pretty accomplished alchemist. That's what he's been using to get away so easily. They don't have alchemy in Japan so they don't know how to combat it. That's where you come in, Fullmetal."

"Why does it have to be me?" Ed asked.

"The people he hits are either from filthy rich families or are filthy rich themselves. There is a very elite private school called Ouran that is full of people like that. What you need to do is go undercover in that high school and find this guy."

"But why me?" Ed asked again.

"You're the only one who fits in the uniform, Shorty."

"Shut up, you bastard!" Ed sprung forward, but Al managed to hold him back before he could do any damage.

"Sir, did you say Ouran?" Al asked.

"Yes. Why?" said Roy.

"Where have I heard that name before?" Ed asked once he stopped struggling.

"Brother, Tamaki goes there."

Ed paled.

"You bastard! There's no way in hell I'm going there!" he yelled, struggling against Al's grip again.

Roy ignored him and asked Al "Who's Tamaki?"

"He's our older brother," Al answered.

"You mean there's another one?" Roy asked. Ed got an idea.

"Yep! And he'd give everything away the second I got there. So it looks like you can't send me," he said.

"But, Brother, he doesn't know you're in the military."

"What? Why the hell not?"

"I didn't want him to worry, so I told him we were in military school."

Ed frowned, his genius plan foiled, and Roy smirked.

"Seems like everything works out perfectly," he said, "What I don't get, though, is why he's there and you two are here."

"You see, the chairman of the school was an old family friend. He said that he would be able to get one of us into the school," Al began to explain.

"Neither of us wanted to go, and Tamaki was perfect for the place," continued Ed.

"He left shortly after Mom died and started at the school about two years ago," finished Al.

"But there's still no way, _no way at all, EVER,_ the you could _ever_ make me go there, _EVER_!" said Ed.

Of course, a few days later, Ed was in uniform and standing before the doors of Ouran. Poor Al was unable to come with. A seven-foot-tall suit of armor might attract some attention.

TheLine!SheHasBroken!

The bell rang to signal the end of lunch period. Ed took his head off the desk and dragged himself to the door. It was going to be a _long_ mission.

**A/N: And so it begins! **

**R&R!**

**Loves you! **


	3. New Type of Host

**A/N: Merry Christmas! I was supposed to have a Christmas chappie for you, but… yeah…**

**I will get it to you! I promise! In the meantime I shall give you more storyline! (I have most of this written out).**

**Disclaimer: If only by some Christmas miracle could FMA and Ouran be mine! But alas! Is not to be! **

Ed looked at the note Tamaki had managed to get to him during class.

"_Dear Edward,_

_Come meet me in Music Room 3 after school. I have a surprise for you!_

_Love,_

_Your Big Brother Tamaki "_

Ed had had just about enough of this. When he walked into Music Room 3, well, he hadn't expected to see a room filled with groups of giggling girls. He also didn't expect to see Haruhi there with a tray of teacups.

"Fujioka? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I'm in the Host Club," she answered.

"The what?" Ed was starting to get scared now. He hoped this club wasn't what he thought it was. But, knowing Tamaki, he feared the worst.

Before he could get an answer, someone called "Ed-chan!" and latched onto his arm. Ed looked down to see a small blond-haired kid with big, brown eyes.

"Tama-chan was telling us all about you! He's really excited you're here and I'm super excited too! And he said that you don't like to be called short but I think you're tall and I'm 17!" he said.

This actually managed to make Ed feel a little better, until…

"Edward!"

"Oh, no. Not again," Ed muttered before he was smothered in another one of Tamaki's hugs.

"I'm so glad you came so I could show you my wonderful Host Club!" he said and proceeded to drag Ed around the room, introducing everyone.

"This is Kyoya. He is the club's director."

Kyoya looked up from writing in his Death Note I mean! ledger and said "It's nice to meet you, Edward. I've been told so much about you," and his eyes said he knew much, much more.

"He's also the Shadow King of the Host Club," said the twins from behind.

"You jackasses are in this club, too?" Ed asked disdainfully.

"Edward, I know that the twins are devilish miscreants, but there's really no need for such language," Tamaki reprimanded him. He pulled Ed over to a different part of the room to introduce him to Honey and Mori.

"I met Ed-chan earlier!" Honey sang.

"And, of course, you already know Haruhi."

"Hey, Ed."

"Sup, Fujioka."

"And now we need to decide what type you are," said Tamaki, standing in his thinking pose.

"What are you talking about?" asked Ed. Tamaki placed his hands on Ed's shoulders.

"I think that the club will be a great brotherly bonding activity!" he said.

"I'm going to die here, aren't I?" Ed stated bitterly.

Suddenly, a loud motor and laughter was heard and up came Renge on her motorized platform.

"Did I hear that someone is joining the Host Club?" she said. Ed and Tamaki looked at her.

"I take it back. I've already died and now I'm in hell," said Ed, "I'm not joining you stupid club."

"Don't talk like that! I want to spend as much time with you as I can," said Tamaki. Ed shrugged Tamaki's hands off of his shoulders and began to walk towards the door.

"Where are you going, Ed-chan?" asked Honey.

"Home," said Ed, not turning back.

"But you don't know where the mansion is," said Tamaki. Ed froze.

"What did you just say?" he asked.

"I made a call during lunch and got all of your bags moved to the Suoh family's second mansion," said Tamaki, smiling wide.

Under normal circumstances, Ed would have turned around and beat Tamaki to a bloody pulp, but as it happened, Al had made him promise he wouldn't kill or seriously injure Tamaki. However, he couldn't hold out for very long.

"Hey, Mori. You're a strong guy, right?" he asked. Mori nodded.

"Hold me back."

Mori looked confused, but did so anyway. Ed began to try and get to Tamaki.

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU MORON! ! !" he shouted.

"I've got it!" said Renge, "You're the misunderstood fighter!"

Ed stopped trying to kill his brother and looked at Renge like she was from the moon. She began to go into a monologue about the type that Ed didn't bother to listen to. It's not like he would've understood it, anyway.

"Coffee?" Haruhi asked, "Believe me you're gonna need it."

Ed mumbled his thanks and took the cup.

"I'll tell you right now, I don't think you have a chance," she said. Ed sighed.

"Yeah, I know. He's way too stubborn," he said, "Come to think of it, that's probably one of the only things we have in common." He took a sip of his coffee.

Soon enough, he was seated in front of a couple of girls.

"Sorry… I'm kinda new at this," Ed said awkwardly. The girls giggled.

"That's okay," said the first.

"Yeah, you're still cute," said the second.

Ed blushed a little, still completely clueless as to what he was doing. He could hear Tamaki squeal a bit from across the room. Ed's eyebrow twitched.

"Is it true that you're Tamaki-sama's younger brother?" asked the first girl. Ed looked over to Tamaki, who was spying on him from behind a couch.

"Well, technically," he said.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom. That is to say, hide out in there for as long as he possibly could.

As he walked through the halls contemplating how much he hated his situation and the way he was going to kill Mustang when he got back, he heard a muffled scream. It came from just around the corner. Ed pressed himself against the wall and listened in.

"No one can hear you," he heard a boy say. There were muffled sobs from a girl.

"Don't be such a baby. You know you want this," said the boy.

That's when Ed chose to turn into the hall. He saw a boy covering the mouth of a girl he'd pressed against the wall. He was obviously far too close for her comfort.

"What's going on here?" he asked. It was more of a threat than a question.

"Get lost, short stack, this doesn't concern you," said the boy. Ed responded to this comment by introducing his foot to the boy's face. When the boy hit the floor, Ed took him by the collar and slammed him against the wall. The boy's nose was broken and bleeding.

"Don't think that I'm going to just stand here and do nothing. If you try anything like this ever again, I will hunt you down and I won't go so easy on you. You got that?"

The boy took one look into Ed's murderous eyes and was terrified. He nodded and Ed threw him down.

"Now get out of here," he said. The boy scrambled to his feet and ran out of sight as fast as he could. Ed turned to the girl.

"You okay?" he asked. The girl collapsed onto him and sobbed into his shoulder, thanking him over and over again.

By the next day, word about what Ed had done was all over the school. The boy who'd attacked the girl was expelled by the end of the day, and during Host Club activities the girls were all over Ed.

"You're so brave, Edward-sama!"

"Well, I couldn't just stand by and let someone get hurt," said Ed.

"HE'S SO GALLANT!" they squealed.

"Look, it's really not that big a deal. I just kicked a guy," he said.

"HE'S SO MODEST!" they squealed.

Haruhi walked by and Ed grabbed her sleeve.

"I don't get it," he said. Haruhi looked at the girls.

"Neither do I," she said, "But you should probably just go along with it."

Tamaki was watching from across the room. He wiped a tear from his eye.

"I'm so proud of him," he said.

"You do realize he's still completely lost, right?" Kyoya mentioned. Tamaki didn't hear him. He was too absorbed in thinking about doing something special for his brother to commemorate his "accomplishment." Kyoya rolled his eyes.

"Fool," he muttered, and went back to writing in his Death No-LEDGER! Ledger!

**A/N: Hooray for Ed becoming a host! We could just wrap him up as a little Christmas present for all of you readers! **

**Edward: NOT LITTLE! *kills***

**Me: *dies* **


	4. I Hate You!

**A/N: Super-fast update! Hooray! **

**And the stuff in _italics _are Ed's flashbacks. **

**Disclaimer: FMA and Ouran are not mine *goes to join Tamaki in the Corner of Gloom***

It had been two weeks since Ed had arrived at Ouran. In a way, Tamaki had helped Ed out with his mission. All of the clients at the Host Club were from rich families and, by talking to them, Ed had gotten a pretty good picture of what was going on. He'd been able to narrow down his search considerably. ("That still doesn't mean I like it," he'd told Al over the phone.)

Ed and Haruhi had become fast friends. They were both foreigners to what they called "The Land of the Rich" and it was nice to have someone down-to-earth to talk to. She had started helping Ed out with some of the specifics of Japanese, including honorifics. Ed still refused to call Tamaki "Onii-chan" or "Senpai" or basically anything else besides "Baka."

Even so, Ed was oblivious to the fact that Haruhi was a girl. For some reason, it never seemed to occur to him. Maybe he just wasn't paying enough attention. Whatever the reason, the Host Club members had started a pool to see when he'd find out. They each took a day, and whoever's day he found out on, won.

As for Ed and Tamaki, the "brotherly bonding" Tamaki had hoped for was in the negatives. Unless he was trying to kill Tamaki, during which Mori held him back, Ed would have nothing to do with his older brother. In fact, he was avoiding him more than ever. Even at home he would leave for school before Tamaki even woke up and spend hours at the "library"—a.k.a.: collaborating with the police—after school was over.

"I think he's angry with me," said Tamaki to Kyoya one day during club activities. He peeked around the couch, saw the death glare Ed was giving him, and quickly retreated.

"Why don't you talk to him about it?" suggested Kyoya, trying to get the annoying boy to leave. He was very killing people-I mean! writing down names-I mean! checking the club's balance? Yeah, that's the one!

Tamaki decided to take Kyoya's advice. He walked over to Ed and said "I think there are some things we should talk about," in that kingly way of his.

"I don't want to talk to you," said Ed. This shocked Tamaki and he went to go sit in his Corner of Gloom.

"I know that Tamaki-senpai's annoying, but you don't have to be so hard on him all the time," said Haruhi. Ed didn't respond.

The bell rang to end activity period and he began to walk to his class.

"Are you listening to me?" she asked, walking after him.

"Look, Fujioka-kun, just drop it. Okay?" he said, and walked into him classroom.

SceneChange

The next day, there were four inches of snow in the yard of the Suoh family's second mansion. Ed was sitting out there all alone. He clapped his hands and transmuted a ring of white flowers from the snow.

Tamaki walked by the glass door that opened into the yard. He saw his brother sitting there with the flowers.

"I'm sorry, Nina," Ed whispered to himself, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Tamaki walked out into the yard.

"Ed? Is there something wrong?" he asked.

Ed stood up and glared at Tamaki. He shoved the flowers into the older boy's hands, saying "Like you care," and walked into the mansion.

Tamaki looked after him for a moment, then at the flowers. He sighed sadly, still unsure of the reason Ed was so angry with him, and walked back into the mansion, himself.

SceneChange

At Host Club activities that day, Tamaki was absolutely determined to figure out what was eating at Edward. He voiced this desire to the rest of the Host Club. This gave the twins a wonderful idea.

Usually, when all the clients left, Ed would follow as quickly as possible. But today, when Ed tried to get up and go, the twins grabbed his arms and held him down.

"Get off of me, you jackasses!" he said.

"Be quiet," said the twins, covering his mouth.

"Hey, Milord!" called Hikaru.

"Ed's got something to say to you," finished Kaoru. Tamaki walked over to see Ed being held against his will. The twins uncovered his mouth.

"What's the big idea, Baka! ?" Ed yelled. Tamaki turned his attention to the twins.

"Hikaru, Kaoru, there's no need for this. We can't make Ed talk to me if he doesn't want to."

The twins loosened their grip, and Ed pulled his arms away.

"But, you know, Ed, you can feel free to tell me anything. I am your big brother, after all."

Ed glared up at Tamaki.

"You think you have that right? To call yourself my brother?" he said. Tamaki started.

"Do you even know what kind of hell Al and I have been through while you were staying at this little posh play land of yours?" Ed stood up. "Do you want to know why I've been avoiding you? I HATE YOU!"

Ed turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. It was a few seconds before Haruhi called "Ed-kun, wait!" and followed him.

Tamaki just stood there, as if made of stone. He didn't even have the energy to go and sit in his Corner of Gloom. Hikaru knocked on his head and Kaoru waved a hand in front of his face while Honey poked him.

"What do we do now, Kyo-chan?" Honey asked.

Kyoya looked up from his Death- IT'S A PERFECTLY NORMAL LEDGER! and said "I suppose we should follow them. Mori-senpai?"

Mori nodded and picked Tamaki up as if he were a statue.

SceneChange

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Haruhi had managed to get a hold of Ed's shoulder. Ed slammed her against the wall and she winced.

"I told you to drop it Fujioka-kun!" he said angrily.

"Would you calm down for a second? Just because you're mad doesn't mean you should take it out on me!"

Ed took a deep breath, let go of Haruhi, and slid down the wall.

"Sorry," he said, although his tone suggested he was still mad.

"Seriously, Ed-kun, what's bugging you?" Haruhi asked. Ed turned his face away from her and didn't answer. She sat down next to him.

"Why is it you hate your brother?" she asked.

"Don't call him that. He's not my brother. We're not even anything alike," he said, hugging his knees.

"Yes, you are."

"What?" Ed turned to her, surprised, "Name one way."

"Well, there are the obvious things, like how you both can be overly dramatic and the way you two explode."

Ed grunted.

"But there're also the more subtle things. The biggest one is the way you guys can never walk away if someone is hurt or in trouble. Like when you first came here and helped that girl. And I know that Senpai sometimes gets _too_ involved when he tries to help but things always seem to turn out fine."

"Well, if he's so great at helping people, why did he leave us?"

_Al was clinging onto Tamaki and crying. _

"_Why do you have to leave? I'll miss you!" Al said._

"_I know! I don't wanna go!" said Tamaki, who was also crying._

"_Yeah, sure," Ed said sarcastically, "If you're going to go just go already! Al and I can take care of ourselves! We don't want you here!" _

"I don't know," said Haruhi, "You tell me."

"Because…"

"_Tamaki, it's time to go," said Yuzuru Suoh. _

"_But I don't want to. I can't leave my brothers alone," said Tamaki._

"_I'm sorry, but they'll have to make do without you. It's too late to change things now."_

"He… had to."

"Then why are you so upset?"

"I don't know." Ed buried his face in his knees. "I just can't help but feel a little… abandoned."

"I don't think that you hate him at all."

Ed turned his face toward Haruhi.

"I think that you just miss him, but you need someone to blame it all on and he's the only one there."

Ed thought about that for a moment. At the same time, Tamaki walked out from around the corner.

"I'm sorry," he said, "You have a right to hate me. I left you two when you needed me the most and broke our family apart even more."

While he was talking, Ed stood up and walked over to him.

"Please, let me make it up to you. I…"

Ed hugged him.

"Shut up, Baka," he said.

Tamaki smiled and hugged him back.

**A/N: Oh, Ed, you and your abandonment issues and anger issues. Maybe he should see a shrink! See! It's funny 'cuz he's short! **

**Ed: NOT SHORT! *kills again***

**Me: *dies again and comes back to life* Anyways! We need to have a discussion about the timeline and ages and stuff like that. Renge! The card!**

**Renge: *holds up a card that says "WHO CARES!"* You see, the actual timeline interferes with the moe. And no one interferes with the moe! **

**Me: Well said! Now get out of my house! Furthermore…**

**Reasons Ed Has No Accent:**

**1. It is an imaginary accent.**

**2. I'm already "translating" what they're saying from Japanese into English. It's hard to put an accent on that.**

**3. I'm lazy.**

**Ciao! **


	5. The Chirstmas Party

**A/N: Yet another update of my story! This time, featuring Tamaki's Inner-Mind Theater! **

**Disclaimer: For the third time today, I don't own this! **

When Ed walked into Music Room 3 the next day, there were no girls there. He looked around and saw Mori putting up a tree.

"What's going on?" he asked

"I'm so glad you asked!" said Tamaki, sliding over and putting an arm around Ed's shoulders, "The Ouran High School Host Club is throwing a Christmas party! For the next week we will be postponing club activities to deck the halls with boughs of holly!"

Honey and the twins slid up to them and sang "Fa la la la la la la la la!"

"But, Senpai, it's only the beginning of December," said Haruhi, taking out a small calendar, "We have a while until Christmas."

"We want to hold the party before winter break. Therefore, we can ensure maximum attendance as most students will be going away on holiday when break begins," said Kyoya.

"That's right! Oh! And you're going to need a suit for this, Ed," said Tamaki, "Hikaru! Kaoru!"

"Right!" the twins saluted him and began taking Ed's measurements.

"Get off of me!" he protested.

"Stop squirming," said Hikaru.

"You want your suit to fit, don't you?" said Kaoru.

"I don't want a suit at all!" said Ed.

"Haruhi, you should brush up on your dancing skills," said Kyoya. Haruhi nodded.

"Dancing?" said Ed weakly.

"Ah, you don't know how to dance, to you? Very well! During the next week, you'll be learning how to," commanded Tamaki. Ed's jaw dropped in terror.

"Don't worry, it's not as bad as you'd think," said Haruhi, "If you'd like, I could teach you some of the stuff I know."

Ed smiled.

"That'd be great. Thanks," he said.

"Dancing… together?" Tamaki muttered to himself.

_Tamaki's Inner-Mind Theater_

_Edward and Haruhi were dancing very closely together. He was in a handsome black suit and she in a flowing white gown. _

"_Oh, Edward! This time we have spent dancing together has really brought me closer to you," she said. _

"_I know. I feel the same way," he said, dipping her. He drew his face close to hers. _

"_We shouldn't be doing this! It is wrong!" she said._

"_No! It is right! Oh, so very right!" he said. _

"_But if anyone finds out…" she said, turning away and placing the back of her hand on her forehead. _

"_They won't find out. We've no need to tell them," he said. She turned her face back to his and they grew closer…_

_And closer…_

_And closer…_

_And…_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tamaki jumped in between Ed and Haruhi. "DADDY FORBIDS IT! YOU TWO ARE TO HAVE SEPARATE PARTNERS! SEPARATE, I SAY! THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN _BOTH_ LEARN THE _MALE_ PART IF YOU ARE DANCING TOGETHER! IT'S JUST NOT POSSIBLE! ! !"

Ed and Haruhi blinked simultaneously.

"You know, sometimes I'm afraid to figure out what goes on in that head of yours," said Ed.

For the next week, the Host Club was very busy. Kyoya was ordering everything necessary to make the party a success; Honey and Mori were helping out with decorations; Hikaru and Kaoru were getting the suits ready; and Ed and Haruhi were working on their dance lessons—which Tamaki supervised, by the way.

Finally, the day came. Ed walked in late.

"Were have you been?" Tamaki asked.

"Give it a rest. I'm here aren't I?" Ed replied.

"Yeah, but the party's almost started," said Hikaru.

"Quick. Change into this," said Kaoru, giving him the suit.

"Go!" both twins said, and pushed him towards the changing rooms.

About a minute after Ed was out of sight, Kyoya said "You do realize that Haruhi is changing in there, right?"

SceneChange

Ed had found the changing room. He opened the door and what to his wandering eye should appear, but Haruhi Fujioka in a bra. Just a bra. Ed's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Haruhi turned and saw him there.

"Get out!" she said.

"Sorry!" Ed's voice cracked and he slammed the door behind him. He stood there, motionless, looking down at his shoes and getting progressively redder.

"You saw," said the twins, sneaking up behind him. Ed jumped about a mile.

"Saw? What? No! No seeing going on here! HAHAHA!" Ed said, his voice still cracking.

"So, you know Haru-chan's secret now, huh?" Honey said from Mori's shoulders. Ed slumped over.

"Uh-huh," he said miserably.

"You should knock before entering!" yelled Tamaki, who was also red in the face.

"She should have locked the door!" Ed yelled back.

"Would you guys cut it out?" said Haruhi. She had emerged from the changing room, now completely clothed.

"Honestly, it doesn't matter whether I'm a boy or a girl. It's what's inside a person that counts."

"That may be true, but it's a different story when you're changing!" said Ed.

"Sorry," she said, "Are we still cool?"

Ed sighed, then smiled.

"Yeah, we're cool," he said. They bumped fists.

"Speaking of Haruhi's gender," Kyoya interrupted, "I'm going to have to ask you to keep that a secret. If it's not too much trouble." He smiled a friendly yet somehow intimidating smile.

"Of course," Ed said. He walked into the changing room and locked the door.

"Hey, what about the pool?" asked the twins.

"Pool?" said Haruhi.

"Oh, yeah. I'd forgotten about that," said Tamaki.

"Whose day is it, Kyo-chan?" asked Honey.

"Mine," Kyoya answered.

_Of course,_ they all thought.

SceneChange

Except for some missing fancy tuna ("What? I was hungry!" said Ed), the rest of the party went off without a hitch.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Haruhi asked Ed.

"Just trying to figure out how I didn't see it before," Ed replied.

"That's another way you're like your brother," she said, "You can be pretty clueless, sometimes."

"Am not!" he said, scowling and turning away from her.

"Sure," she said sarcastically.

**A/N: Oh, Tamaki! You and your crazy fantasies! That's never gonna happen.**

**And people seem to keep finding out Haruhi's gender like that. She really should start locking the door. **


	6. Club Outing

**A/N: Hello my friends! I gots some good stuff for you in this chapter. Enjoy!**

**Stuff in **_**italics**_** are flashback. **

**Disclaimer: If I don't own this than let me be struck by a random phonebook! *gets struck by random phonebook***

The Host Club had decided to go out for lunch during winter break. In accordance with Tamaki's wishes, they had gone to a "commoner's diner."

"But why did we have to go to the crazy diner?" Haruhi asked as their waiter, a large man with a Russian accent, slammed a tray of food on their table, shouted "FOOD!" and walked away.

"Yes, I don't quite understand the appeal of this place, either," Kyouya commented.

"Come, now. It's not all that bad," said Tamaki.

The waiter came back, shouted "DRINKS!" slammed those on the table, and walked away.

"It's like he's attacking us," said Ed.

"Yeah," Mori agreed.

Tamaki seemed to think twice just before the waiter came back once more, shouting "CHECK!" and slamming that on the table. Haruhi picked it up and looked at it. She paled.

"This can't be right."

Everybody huddled around her to look. Kyouya quickly did the calculations.

"This quantity of food at this quality should not cost ¥100,000," he decided.

"So? Aren't you all rich?" Ed asked.

"Not at the moment," said Kyouya.

"Tama-chan wanted to be like commoners, so we all only took ¥1,000 with us," said Honey.

The group turned their attention to Tamaki. He laughed nervously.

"Then it's decided. Tamaki will take the check back," said Ed. Tamaki pointed to himself.

"B-but why?" he asked.

"You heard Kyouya. The food shouldn't cost this much. Besides, there's no way in hell I'm washing dishes," Ed replied.

Tamaki gulped and stood up to catch the waiter's attention.

"Excuse me, sir,"

The man walked over. He towered over Tamaki by about a foot. It was actually quite menacing.

"I, uh, I simply refuse to pay this check. It-it is f-far too much. So, um, could you please take it back, p-please?"

The waiter looked at the check, then at Tamaki, then at the check again. He took it out of Tamaki's hand, and Tamaki released the breath he'd been holding in.

"I will not take this check back," he said. This statement confused everyone, but the next one made his meaning quite clear.

"I WILL TAKE IT FORWARD!" He threw the check at Tamaki, knocking the poor boy over.

Ed smirked at the scene while Haruhi asked "What was that for?"

"I am off clock," the man said.

"Then why are you working?" the twins asked.

"Because I want to," he sated. He thrust a hand toward Tamaki. Tamaki reluctantly took it and was pulled to his feet.

"So, if you don't work here…" Hikaru began.

"… then what do you do?" finished Kaoru.

"I am superhero in Russia!" he said.

"Wow! What's your superpower?" asked Honey.

The man held up his hand and pointed to it.

"My hand is one inch bigger than anybody else's!" he said.

Tamaki, the twins, and Honey gasped in awe, while Haruhi, Kyouya and Ed looked at one another with unamused expressions.

And Mori just sat there.

"I have to go to the bathroom," said Ed. He looked pointedly at Kyouya as a reminder of the conversation they'd had earlier.

_The Host Club members were on their way to the diner. Ed grabbed Kyouya's arm and they hung back from the group. _

"_You know the real reason I'm here, don't you, Ootori-senpai?" said Ed. _

"_What do you mean, Fullmetal?" said Kyouya, proving Ed's suspicions._

"_Tamaki doesn't know this, but we're going to this diner because I need to meet with somebody. I can use all the eyes I can get on this job," said Ed._

"_Don't worry. I'm a professional at distracting Tamaki," said Kyouya. Ed nodded and went to catch up with the others. _

"_Oh, and Edward," Kyouya called. Ed turned back._

"_The Ootori family's Black Onion Squad is at your disposal, should you need them."_

_Ed smirked and said "That could come in handy."_

"Tamaki, I think I just saw two identical snowflakes outside," said Kyouya.

"What?" asked Tamaki. He quickly ran outside to check.

"But that's impossible!" said the twins. They grabbed Haruhi and followed Tamaki out.

"Wait for us!" called Honey. He rode out on Mori's shoulders.

Kyouya smiled to himself at a job well done and paid the check. It had been fixed by their waiter.

Ed came back from "going to the bathroom" and tapped the waiter on the arm. The man turned around and Ed showed him his state alchemist watch. The man looked around cautiously and steered Ed towards the kitchen. Once there, he looked at Ed expectantly.

"Are you Aleksei Zolnerowich, the Mechanical Alchemist?" Ed asked.

"Am retired now, but yes," the man replied.

"I have a favor to ask of you."

"A favor?"

"I'm sure you've heard of the killings that have been happening around here."

Aleksei nodded.

"I was wondering if you could just keep an eye out for anything unusual."

"Have been retired for long time," said Aleksei.

"I understand. I was just…" Ed began, but Aleksei held up a hand to stop him.

"But," he said, "As I say to cooks, could always use more spice."

Aleksei smiled and held out his hand. Ed shook it.

SceneChange

The Host Club members were finally on their way after spending an hour digging through the snow for the "identical snowflakes." The weather was getting bad and Ed was starting to feel it. He was limping and rubbing his right shoulder.

"Are you okay, Ed-kun?" Haruhi asked.

"Yeah," Ed lied. His automail ports were killing him.

"What? Edward are you hurt? !" said Tamaki, grabbing onto Ed's shoulders, "Just hold on!"

"Calm down, Baka. It's just some… old injuries responding to the weather," said Ed.

"Hey, I just got a great idea!" said Honey, "We should all go to Kyo-chan's resort to warm up!"

"Yeah!" the twins agreed.

"Seriously? After what happened the last time we went?" said Haruhi.

Hikaru grabbed her arm and said "Don't be like that."

Kaoru grabbed her other arm and said "It'll be nice to get out of the cold."

They pulled her towards the limo.

"And to get you into a swimsuit!" they called back.

When Tamaki heard that, he began to chase them.

"DON'T YOU DARE EXPOSE MY HARUHI LIKE THAT!" he yelled.

SceneChange

The twins had gotten Haruhi into a light blue tankini that had a skort for a bottom. Her expression was not one of enjoyment

"Holy crap! It's a girl!" Ed joked.

"Drop dead," said Haruhi.

"Where's your swimsuit, Ed-chan?" Honey asked.

"Uhhh… well… I…"

They were all looking at him expectantly. He had to make something up so that they would leave him alone. He didn't want them to find out about his automail. Though, honestly, he was surprised they hadn't already found out, what with all of the physical contact and constant popping of his personal bubble. Ed decided to tell them a half-truth.

"I can't swim," he confessed.

"Can't swim?" Tamaki asked. He sprung from his lawn chair. "How could this have happened?" He grabbed Ed's shoulders again. "Don't you worry! Your big brother is here to teach you!"

Ed's plan had backfired.

"I don't really think that…" Ed began, but Hikaru and Kaoru had already gotten hold of his arms.

Then they attacked. Even though Ed struggled and protested, they managed to strip him down to his underwear. When the twins backed off, everyone but Kyouya's eyes widened.

"Well, now you can see it. Happy?" Ed said angrily.

"What… what happened?" Tamaki asked, worry apparent in his voice, "Your arm and leg… How?"

The grotesque transmutation scene flashed before Ed's eyes. He unconsciously clutched his right arm.

"An accident. That's all," he said.

"Is that what's been hurting you, Ed-chan?" asked Honey.

"Yeah. Automail isn't the most fun thing to have in shitty weather," Ed replied.

"There is a spa here, Edward. That might help with your pain," said Kyouya, pointing towards it.

Ed smiled in appreciation and walked over to it.

SceneChange

The spa did help. Ed felt like he was in heaven as he sank deeper into the warm water. He noticed Haruhi sitting on the edge of the spa, looking at him. Ed held out his arm and smiled.

"Wanna have a look?" he asked. She took his arm and began to examine it.

"This is actually pretty heavy," she said, "How does it work?"

"There are wires in here that are connected to my nerves. My brain sends signals through those and it functions like a real arm," he explained.

"Does it hurt? Other than in bad weather?" she asked.

"The installation was hell and the nerves reconnecting when putting it back on is pretty painful, too. Other than that, it's fine," Ed said.

"Can we have a look?" asked the twins, reaching for Ed's arm. Ed quickly pulled it underwater.

"No," he said, glaring at them.

"Why?" asked Kaoru.

"You let Haruhi see," said Hikaru.

"Yeah, 'cuz I trust her," said Ed.

"Did Winry build you those?" asked Tamaki, joining them in the spa.

"Who's Winry, Tama-chan?' asked Honey. He and Mori had followed Tamaki over.

"She's an old friend of ours from back home and she comes from a family of automail mechanics," said Tamaki, "And, from what I've seen and heard over the years, Ed has quite the crush on her."

Ed's hair stood on end.

"I do not! Winry and I are just friends! That's all! Nothing more!" he said, standing up.

"Then why are you blushing?" the twins asked, smiling devilishly. Ed turned an even darker shade of red.

"I'm not blushing!" he said, sitting down again, "The water's just really hot, is all."

They laughed at him.

Extra: Aleksei Zolnerowich, the Mechanical Alchemist's Profile

Age: 50

Height: 6'9

Eyes: Blue

Hair: Blond and short

Claim to Fame: Only foreigner to Amestris to become a state alchemist

Back Story: Born and raised in Russia, he worked in his father's mechanical shop. It was a small place and business wasn't very good. One day, he discovered alchemy and began to use it to help out in his father's shop. He was actually very talented and that's when the military discovered him. When they came to recruit him, he decided to join in order to support his father, as business was still not very good in the shop. He was with the military for years, but when he heard that his father had died, he decided to retire. For reasons that nobody can explain, he decided to open a diner in Japan. Rumor has it that he went slightly insane at his father's death, but no one can truly tell.

**A/N: Oh, Kyouya. You and kissing up to important people. **

**I also don't own everything from the beginning until Tamaki's, the twins', and Honey's awed gasps. I lovingly ripped it off from an improv show at my school (it was too funny to pass up). **

**Reasons Aleksei Has an Accent:**

**1. That's the way it was in the improv show**

**2. It's funnier that way**

**3. Two camels in a tiny car**

**I mean no disrespect whatsoever to anyone who is Russian. Please don't take it that way, I mean no harm. **


	7. Christmas Montage

**A/N: Look! It's a Christmas special! Just in time for New Years unless you're Chinese cuz then you have to wait until February 3! **

**Yes, I'm sorry I'm a bit late, but come on! Who doesn't like more Christmas! Well, unless you don't celebrate it. But I know I love it! *goes back to drinking hot chocolate in front of crackling fire place while enjoying decorated tree* Yeah. This is nice. **

**Disclaimer: There's a lot of stuff I don't own that I lovingly ripped off. I list:**

**1. Ouran High School Host Club**

**2. Fullmetal Alchemist**

**3. It's a Wonderful Life**

**4. Home Alone**

**5. Elf**

**6. Night of Silence (it's a song that I love. Look it up if you don't know it)**

**7. How the Grinch Stole Christmas **

**8. A Christmas Carol**

**Wow. That's a lot. Enjoy! **

_Ed's Wonderful Life_

Tamaki walked over to Ed's room. He peeked inside to see Ed lying on his bed and reading a book.

"Hi, Ed-chan!" he called. He shielded himself with the door from the book that came flying at his head.

"Don't call me Ed-chan!" said Ed. Tamaki chuckled and picked up the book. He walked into the room and handed it to Ed.

"Listen, I was going to watch a Christmas movie. I was wondering if you wanted to join me," said Tamaki.

"I'm not really interested," Ed said, reopening his book.

"Oh… Well…"

The phone rang. Ed and Tamaki smirked at each other. They proceeded to scramble over one another to answer it. Ed got there first.

"Yeah?"

"_Major Elric?" _

"Yeah."

"_You need to come down here right away. There's a new development in the case." _

"On my way."

Ed had grabbed his coat and was out the door before Tamaki could ask what that was about.

SceneChange

Ed looked at the mangled body. The alchemist had killed again, and there wasn't a damn thing Ed could do about it. He clenched his fists. He felt so helpless, like his being there meant absolutely nothing. He soon found out he was wrong.

"This was found too, sir," said one of the officers, handing him a note. The small piece of paper read:

"_Come and get me, Mr. State Alchemist." _

He knew Ed was here. To top it all off, the murder scene was far more brutal than any before it. Ed knew he was to blame. It was his fault that this person had suffered so greatly, he was sure of it.

One of the officers seemed to notice his distress, because he walked over and placed a consoling hand on Ed's shoulder, asking "You okay?"

"Fine."

"You sure? You want someone to bring you home?"

"I said I'm fine." Ed walked out of the room.

SceneChange

Ed was sitting in a bar with a mug of black coffee on the table in front of him. A library wouldn't let him bring a drink in and he needed something to keep him awake. He'd been staring at the note and the rest of the case file for at least and hour and still nothing came to him. He groaned and introduced his head to the table.

Somewhere in the bar he could hear people talking.

"Did you hear about the latest murder?"

"Cut 'em up pretty bad, I heard."

"What're the police doing over there?"

"They should've had this case cleaned up a long time ago!"

Ed couldn't take this anymore. He called the bartender over to get him a drink. A _real_ drink. The man said that he wouldn't serve a minor, but one look at Ed's temporary police badge made him think twice.

SceneChange

Ed's drunken ass stumbled out of the bar a good hour later. He didn't exactly know where he was going, so he just walked. He reached a bridge and peered over the edge. He contemplated doing something. Something serious. Something…

Before he could develop the thought completely, he felt someone grab the back of his shirt and pull him away from the edge.

"Whoa, there, kiddo! What do you think you're doing?" said a voice. He turned around and looked into a face he thought he'd never see again.

The face of Lieuten… no, Brigadier General Maes Hughes.

All Ed could do was stand there and stare at him.

"The hell did they put in that beer?" he slurred.

Hughes shook his head in a rather parental way and led Ed away.

SceneChange

Hughes had brought Ed somewhere inside and given him a mug of black coffee. Ed sat there, sipping it and staring at Hughes. He would mention every now and again that Hughes was dead, and Hughes would just nod. Ed set the mug down and looked really hard at his dearly departed friend.

"Just who are you anyway?" he asked.

"Come on, Ed, you know the answer to that one," Hughes replied. Ed just looked at him harder. Suddenly, Hughes pinched Ed.

"Ow! What was that for?" he asked.

"To prove that we're both real and not dreaming," Hughes said. Ed nodded slowly and went back to his coffee mug.

"I think it's about time for some real explanations," said Hughes after a few moments, "Ed, I'm your guardian angel."

At this, Ed almost shot hot coffee through his nose.

"Angel, huh? Well, where are your wings?" he teased.

"Haven't got 'em yet," Hughes replied, completely serious. When Ed realized just how serious he was, he quit laughing. There was silence for another moment.

"Tell me, Ed, what where you thinking on that bridge?" Hughes asked, looking at Ed with concern. Ed looked down at his hands.

"I don't know. I guess I was just thinking that people would be better off without me," he said.

"So killing yourself is the answer, then?"

"No. Of course not. I've got Al to think about." Then Ed added a muttered "I suppose it would be better if I'd never been born at all."

"What was that?"

"I said I wish I'd never been born!"

Hughes was about to give a retort, when he paused to think about it. A smile came to his lips.

"Alright, kiddo. Wish granted."

And something changed. Some small, unexplainable thing changed in the air. Ed looked around. The change made him uncomfortable, though he wasn't sure why. Ed shifted in his chair, and he noticed something else. He could actually _feel_ the mug he was holding in his right hand and could _feel_ the floor under his left foot. Ed pulled his sleeve up and saw that his right arm was completely real.

"Hughes… what's going… my automail…"

"Yep," said Hughes nonchalantly. He stood up and held out his hand.

"You'll be seeing a lot of strange things from now on."

Ed looked at Hughes's hand cautiously before taking it.

The room disappeared and revealed a small, snow-covered town. People were peddling gold items from every shop, and business was booming. Somehow, though, they all seemed down.

"Hughes… How… Where…"

"Xenotime."

"Wait a minute… I thought the gold had dried up."

"It had, until Mugear and the Tringum brothers created the red stones."

"But Al and I stopped that."

"How? You were never born, remember." Hughes had his attention focused on another part of the town. Ed squinted to see it.

It was a valley of graves. A growing valley of graves. Hughes held out his hand again, and Ed took it, afraid of what he might see next.

They came to a mining town that Ed recognized, and, standing in front of him, an innkeeper that Ed recognized, and, in front of that man, was what was left of an inn that Ed recognized.

"What happened here?" Ed asked. The man turned to look at him.

"This? This happened years ago," he said, taking a deep and shaky breath, "My son was killed when that bastard from the military brought it down. You should go. This is no place for tourists nowadays."

He walked away, but Ed stayed put.

"I was able to get Yoki out of here, and Al, he saved that kid," he said to no one in particular. Ed noticed something else.

"Al! What about Al?" he began, then stopped, "What am I worrying for? He's fine. At least he's fine."

Hughes bit his lip.

"You're not gonna like this, Ed," he said, and held out his hand again. Ed looked confused, but took it anyway.

They came to a place that Ed was very familiar with. Ed looked at his mother's grave, still unsure as to why Hughes had brought him there. That is, until he saw the grave next to it. Ed dropped to his knees.

"But that's not possible. He… he was always saying what a bad idea it was. He… he wouldn't have…"

"He did. He was all alone and very sad. He really didn't know what else to do. Sure, he second-guessed himself a couple of times, but, in the end, there was nothing left to…"

"Stop! Just stop this!" Ed could feel the tears coming, and he didn't do anything to stop them.

"Who are you?" asked a familiar voice. Ed turned around to see Winry with a bouquet of flowers in her arm and Den at her side. Den began to growl at Ed and Hughes.

"Winry… It's Ed. Don't you know me?" Ed asked.

"I've never met you before in my life. Go away," she said, walking up to the grave and placing the flowers there.

"But Winry…" Ed grabbed her wrist.

"Get off!" Winry twisted her wrist out of his grasp, pushed him back, and ran off. Den growled at him once more, before following Winry away.

Ed just sat there. He didn't know what to do or say. Nothing made sense. He couldn't even tell which way was up anymore.

"Isn't it amazing, how one man's life can touch so many others?" Hughes said. He knelt down and placed a consoling hand on Ed's back.

"Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it all away?"

Ed sniffed. He stood up, and began running. He didn't know where, he just knew that it had to be away. Away from this madness.

He came to a bridge, and he did something he never thought he would do. He began to pray. To who or what he didn't know. It could have been God, it could have been The Truth, it could have even been Buddha. All he knew was that this had to end, and he didn't have the power to make that happen on his own.

"This isn't what I wanted! Please! I want to live again! Please! Let me live again."

And something changed. Some small, unexplainable thing changed in the air. A car pulled up to the bridge.

"Ed! What are you doing out here? It's nearly midnight and freezing! What's going to happen if you get frostbite around your automail ports?" called another familiar voice. Ed turned to see Tamaki Suoh, his older brother. Ed quickly pulled up his sleeve and saw a metallic shine. When he looked up and noticed the worry plastered on the older boy's face, he couldn't contain himself.

He sprung over and gave Tamaki a tight, uncharacteristic hug, laughing joyfully the entire time. This display shocked Tamaki and, upon being released, he immediately checked to see if Ed was running a temperature.

"Are you feeling okay?" he asked. Ed just laughed again.

"Fine. I'm just in a really good mood right now."

Tamaki raised a confused eyebrow.

"Hey, Onii-chan, you didn't happen to watch that Christmas movie yet, did you?" Ed asked. Tamaki's face lit up.

"You mean you want to watch it with me?"

Ed nodded.

"Hooray!" He flung his arm over Ed's shoulders and began to lead him to the car. "It's called _It's a Wonderful Life_ and it's probably the best Christmas movie ever!"

From a nearby shop they could hear the jingle of a small bell.

"Oh! Ed! Did you know? 'Every time a bell rings, and angel gets his wings'?"

"Well, what do you know about that."

The End

_**Moral: Never, ever, throw your life away. **_

_Home Alone with Honey_

"Hello? Where'd everybody go?" Honey called out, dragging Usa-chan along the floor with him and rubbing his eye sleepily. He looked on every floor, in every room and found nobody.

"Are we playing ninja?" he called. But, since no one had attacked him yet, he doubted it. Finally, he concluded that his family had gone out and left him behind.

"Usa-chan! That means we can eat all the cake we want!" he said to his stuffed bunny-rabbit.

And he did. He did eat all the cake he wanted. Not that he didn't _always_ eat all the cake he wanted, but he found that there was certain difference when he was eating it all alone.

"That was delicious," he said upon finishing it.

He spent the rest of the day at Mori's house, and when he returned home that evening, he found something strange. There were two men, each holding a large sack filled with expensive items from the mansion, in his house. They took one look at him and smiled.

"It's just a kid," said one. The other chuckled, and walked up to Honey.

"Hiya, pal," he said.

Honey jumped up and kicked the man in the face. The man went down, and the other stared in horror at his fallen colleague.

"You guys should know that robbing my house is a big no-no!" said Honey.

The man gulped, and the rest is far too graphic to put in a Christmas story that is rated T.

The End

_**Moral: Do not mess with **__**Mitsukuni Haninozuka. DO NOT! **_

_Tamaki the Elf_

Ever since he'd found out about the existence of Christmas, Tamaki had loved absolutely everything about it.

Why, he could remember the first Christmas he'd spent in France. Well, he wasn't actually in France at the time. Yuzuru had brought him with on a business trip to New York, saying something about bonding. Tamaki had bounced along, enjoying the excitement that came with visiting new places.

"They just leave candy out on the street for Christmas? !" Tamaki exclaimed.

"Tamaki, no, that's…"

But the boy had already taken the gum off of the railing and stuck it in his mouth.

Another time, when he was 10 (and in France), he spotted a fat man in a red sweat suit outside his window.

He immediately ran outside, shouting "Santa! Santa!"

The man turned around to face him with a disgruntled expression. Tamaki shied away and ran back into the house, shouting "Not Santa!"

During his first Christmas in Japan, he was sitting in Yuzuru's office and grinning from ear to ear.

Yuzuru had had just about enough. Don't take this the wrong way, he loved Tamaki as if he was his own, but every parent needs a break sometimes. Especially when the aforementioned Tamaki had just answered the phone with "Tamaki Suoh! What's your favorite color?"

He decided to send Tamaki to what he called the "shiny mail room."

"Shiny. Mail. Room?" Tamaki repeated, his eyes as big as saucers and full of wonder.

"Where all the letters go to Santa," said Yuzuru. Tamaki gasped excitedly.

Tamaki didn't remember much after that, as one of the workers in the "shiny mail room" had managed to get him to drink some booze.

And this year, this year Tamaki was Ed's problem, therefore he was Haruhi's problem, as Ed had absolutely no idea how to handle him.

Haruhi decided to bring Tamaki to a commoner's toy store. During the holidays, they called the place the "North Pole."

"This isn't the North Pole," Tamaki argued with one of the employees.

"Yes, it is," he argued back.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not. Where's the snow?"

The employee rolled his eyes at Tamaki's foolishness.

"Okay, boys and girls, tomorrow morning, 10 AM, Santa's coming to town!" was heard over the loud speaker.

"SANTA! OH MY GOD!" Tamaki shouted, more excited than any of the children in the store.

"Senpai…" Haruhi said weakly.

"Somebody stop him," muttered Ed. He saw that no one was going to do that, so he decided to take measures into his own hands. He walked up to the bouncing ball of energy that was his brother and got him in a headlock. He began to drag him to the door.

"We're leaving," he stated. Tamaki complained about not being able to see Santa, but Ed ignored him. Haruhi sighed. Why was it that things got hectic every time Tamaki was around?

The End

_**Moral: Tamaki Suoh is a Christmas enthusiast. Proceed with caution. **_

_A Night of Silence for Haruhi_

It was a dark and cold walk home from the supermarket. Haruhi had had to make a late run because she'd run out of milk. She stopped for a moment to rearrange her scarf, and she found something. Peeking out from the snow was a single rose, one that had miraculously survived the cold and snow.

She smiled slightly and picked it. That small yet strong beacon of life that refused to succumb to a frozen world reminded her of someone. Someone who couldn't be with her this Christmas. She decided that the only thing she could do was make it an offering to that person, and hope that the pain wouldn't find its way along with it. A hope that was so often extinguished.

SceneChange

She knelt in front of her mother's shrine, incense lit and the rose laid in front of the picture. No matter how she fought it, the pain came, as it did every Christmas.

"Haruhi, I'm home!" came from beyond the door. It was her father, coming home from work. She felt lifted, a little.

When Ranka walked in and saw what his daughter was doing, he sighed.

"Honey, are you okay?" he asked softly. Haruhi nodded.

Ranka walked over to her and gave her a consoling hug. Haruhi hugged back. The love they shared kept them both warm in the absence of Kotoko. Suddenly, things didn't seem so dark.

The End

_**Moral: It's always good to be with your family on Christmas. **_

_How the Twins Stole Christmas_

Every caroler

On Christmas

Liked caroling a lot…

But the twins,

Who lived in their path,

Did NOT!

Come Christmas morning, the doorbells carolers would ring

"And they'll sing! _And they'll sing!_

AND they'll SING! SING! SING! SING!"

And the more the twins thought of the big Christmas-sing

The more the twins thought, "We must stop this whole thing!

Then they got an idea!

_An awful idea!_

THE TWINS

GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know _just _what we'll do!" Hikaru laughed in his throat.

Said Kaoru, "We'll scare them before they can hit one note."

"All we need is a plan…"

The twins sat down.

And, since they were such tricksters, one was easily found.

THEN

They put on their coats

And laid in wait

For the carolers to come

And meet their fate.

And the twins sat there, and began to grow cold

When they heard a voice, a voice that was bold

The twins had been caught by a caroling girl

Who'd startled them and sent their heads all a-whirl

She stared at the twins and said, "You guys, why,

"_Why_ are you trying to ruin this for us? WHY?"

_Then_ the twins thought of something they hadn't before!

A way they could annoy people even more!

And what happened _then_...?

Well… the carolers say

That the twins devilish smiles

Grew three sizes that day!

And the twins stood up, their smiles the biggest

And they…

… THE TWINS THEMSELVES…!

_Sang the loudest!_

The End

_**Moral: The moral, my friends, when others annoy you,**_

_**If you can't beat them, join them, and annoy others times two!**_

_Kyouya Ootori is Ebenezer Scrooge_

"No."

Aw! But Kyouya!

"No."

Aw! Come on! I have the cast list all set up! You're Scrooge for obvious reasons and some random business dude from your family would be Marley. Tamaki is Fred.

"I am rather joyous around the holidays, and I do like to push Kyouya to do things!"

Haruhi is Bob Cratchit.

"This is because I'm the only commoner in the group, isn't it?"

Ed is Tiny Tim…

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD BE CRUSHED BY A SINGLE SNOWFLAKE! ? !"

… I mean the Ghost of Christmas Past.

"THAT'S BETTER! Besides, Ootori-senpai's looked into my past, why shouldn't I do the same to him?"

Honey is the Ghost of Christmas Present.

"It's because I'm so happy all the time and I like to eat a lot and I'm really small which makes it ironic!"

Mori was going to be the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, because he doesn't talk too much. But, he always has to stay with Honey and the twins needed a part.

"You're talking about us like we're side-characters!"

"We're part of the main cast, damn it!"

Whatever. So what do you say, Kyouya?

"No."

But Kyouya…!

"You do realize that I know your full name, right?"

*GASP* So you're admitting you have a Death Note!

"I never admitted anything. However, I doubt you would like to find out the hard way."

… No sir, Mr. Shadow King, sir!

"Then this is The End."

_**Moral: Kyouya Ootori doesn't have a Death Note, L. Nope, not at all. You totally shouldn't start looking for him at the following address… *dies of suspicious heart attack***_

**A/N: Kyouya: Seeing as the author has just died of a suspicious heart attack, I suppose it's my duty to finish this. Tamaki?**

**Tamaki: All of us from Ouran and FMA wish you a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!**

**Ed: I don't celebrate Christmas. **

**Twins: *glare at Ed and then attack, managing to tie him up with Duct Tape* **

**Honey: Don't be mean to Ed-chan! Lots of people don't celebrate Christmas and we love them just the same. **

**Mori: Yeah. **

**Me: HOLY CRAP I FORGOT TO WRITE A STORY FOR MORI!**

**Kyouya: How did she come back to life?**

**Ed: She does that a lot. **

**Twins: How did you get out of the Duct Tape?**

**Haruhi: *to readers* You should all probably leave before things get ugly. **


	8. Discovery

**A/N: Whoo! Intense chappy time! Roll it!**

**Disclaimer: Last I checked, I didn't own any of this. But now! **

…

**Still don't. :(**

Ed jumped onto the banister at the Suoh family's second mansion and slid down skater-style. He flipped off the end and kept running. Tamaki skidded on the landing and followed Ed down the stairs.

"It's not honorable to cheat! Especially when you're playing with your older brother!" he yelled. Ed laughed and kept running. Tamaki got to the bottom of the stairs. He was about to chase Ed into the next room, when the phone rang. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

_"Elric?"_ asked a voice with a Russian accent on the other side of the line.

"No. This is his older brother, Tamaki."

_"Must speak with him now."_

"Sure." Tamaki held the receiver to his chest and called to Ed in the other room.

"Edward! Phone for you!"

"I'm not gonna fall for that, Baka!" said Ed.

"Just pick up the receiver in the other room!"

"Got it!" Ed said after a pause. Tamaki was about to hang up, but he thought better of it just before the receiver hit the base. This was his chance to figure out what was going on. Ed had been getting a lot of strange phone calls lately, and after each one he left with a serious expression and not a word of explanation. Tamaki was starting to get worried. He put the phone to his ear and covered the mouthpiece with his hand.

"Where should I meet you, Zolnerowich?" he heard Ed ask.

_"My diner. Bring Ootori boy with."_

"Right." Ed hung up the phone. Tamaki heard the click and he hung the phone up as well. Ed walked back into the room Tamaki was in. He was making his way to the door with that serious expression on his face again. Tamaki tried to ask him about it.

"Ed? Who was...?"

"Don't worry about it," Ed quickly replied. He got his coat and was out the door, his cell phone already out (yes, of course Tamaki got his little brother a cell phone).

Tamaki wanted to follow him, but he knew that Ed would just get suspicious. For some reason, Ed always knew when somebody was following him. No, this was going to take more strategy and thinking. Tamaki sat down on the stairwell. Who did Ed know who had a Russian accent and a diner? Tamaki perked up as he remembered the day at the commoners' diner. Their waiter had been Russian. It was a start.

He found his driver and told him where to take him.

SceneChange

The diner was closed and the shades were drawn. Tamaki decided to sneak around back and see if he could find anything. He heard some voices coming through a vent.

"You'll know him when you see him?" Ed asked.

"Of course," said the waiter.

"Then it's decided. We'll execute the plan at the Hitachiin's New Year's party," said Kyouya.

Tamaki heard the scraping of chairs and footsteps coming straight for the door he just realized was below the vent he was listening at. He panicked and searched around frantically for a place to hide. He decided to press himself against the wall on the side of the door that had the hinges. He put his hand over his own mouth and prayed they wouldn't crush him with the door and/or discover him.

The door opened inwards. Not good.

"What the hell are you doing here, Baka?" Ed asked angrily. He'd noticed Tamaki the moment he'd walked out.

"You won't tell me what's going on and I'm worried!" said Tamaki. Ed sighed and turned around.

"If you knew what was good for you you'd butt out," he said and walked away.

"Edward! Don't you walk away from me!" Tamaki called after him. Ed didn't stop.

"Kyouya! Do something!" he said, turning to his friend.

"He's right, you know," said Kyouya, pushing his glasses up his nose. Tamaki looked shocked.

"This is really something you should stay out of." He walked away as well.

Tamaki looked after them. His curiosity would not be quenched that easily! He was absolutely determined to figure this out.

He couldn't bother Kyouya about it too much, because Kyouya was too scary and would probably do something horrible to him should he pry. He stuck with bothering Ed. However, Ed was very stubborn. Tamaki needed help. He called Haruhi.

"How is it that you get Ed to talk to you?"

"_What do you mean, Senpai?"_

"I mean there's got to be some kind of method to get him to open up."

"_Not that I know of. And I'm actually pretty busy right now."_

Tamaki deflated.

"Okay. Bye."

That hadn't helped very much. He called Al next and asked the same question.

"_Why?"_

"Because I know that Ed's hiding something and I'm getting worried."

"_Oh… well… uh… Oh! I-I think dinner's ready! I'll… uh… call you back!"_ Al hung up. It looked like Tamaki was on his own.

SceneChange

The day of the party rolled around, and Ed and Tamaki arrived early. They were greeted at the front door by a large man that Tamaki recognized.

"You're that waiter from the diner," he said.

"Yes!" the man boomed, "Aleksei Zolnerowich!" He held out a large hand (one inch bigger than anybody else's!) for Tamaki to shake. They shook, and he led the boys inside.

There were a few things that just didn't seem to add up to Tamaki. First, there was the fact that Aleksei had led them in. He didn't have any connections to the Hitachiins and he was a commoner, so they wouldn't have asked him to cater. Second, they weren't having the party on the main floor. Kyouya had told him that was due to electrical problems, but come on! Kyouya was in on whatever-this-was too! Third, Ed was nowhere to be found. Tamaki went searching for him in the one place he was sure Ed was: the main floor with "electrical problems."

When he opened the door, he saw Ed standing there in a fighting stance. Blood was flowing down the right side of his face. His suit was tattered and torn with the entire right sleeve gone. He was panting. On the other side of the room, a man that Tamaki had never seen before was doing the same thing. He looked just as bad as Ed. The room was completely demolished. Everywhere there were signs of what Tamaki recognized as transmutations.

Ed glanced at Tamaki when he walked in. The man on the other side of the room took this moment of distraction to transmute some wires from the walls. They grabbed Ed and slammed him against it. They bound him tightly so he couldn't move.

Tamaki was frozen.

"What are you still doing here, Baka? Get out!" Ed yelled. Tamaki was still unable to move. The man was not going to take any chances, so he grabbed the back of Tamaki's jacket and threw him against the wall. He slid down it, wincing. The man walked over and transmuted two spikes to go through Tamaki's hands, pinning him there. He made a pained noise and winced again.

"You bastard! Let him go!" Ed shouted. Tamaki looked up to see his brother glaring the man down.

"Now, why on earth would I want to do that?" he asked, turning towards Ed. He walked over and took something out of Ed's pocket. It was a silver watch with the Amestrian crest carved on its front.

"A beautiful thing, this," he said. He yanked the watch off of its chain and dangled it in front of Ed's face.

"It seems as if I've bested you, Mr. State Alchemist," he said.

"Not yet you haven't," Ed growled.

"You're absolutely right," said the man, pocketing the watch.

He drew a circle next the Ed, and placed his hand on it. The spike he transmuted pierced Ed right below his left shoulder. Ed's eyes widened. He twitched a little and took a few half-gasps before falling completely limp.

**A/N: Muhahaha! Evil cliffy! Now you all must wait! Muhahahahahahahaha! **

**Remember to review! **


	9. Safe House

**A/N: Hello peoples! I am back to relieve you from your cliff hanging. BUT FIRST! I must describe the crazy snow storm that just hit my hometown in excruciating detail.**

**Ahem…. I**

**Readers: GET ON WITH THE STORY, DAMN YOU! ! ! ! ! !**

**Me: Okay! Okay! Jeez! **

**Disclaimer: Even though the storm gave me TWO WHOLE DAYS off of school, it could not give me the rights to Ouran and FMA. **

Tamaki was scared.

No. Scared wasn't the right word. He was downright _horrified_.

His brother, a State Alchemist? But Ed was only 15! And then this man. Sure, he had heard about the murders, but could he really be in the same room as the culprit? Then there was the thing that made all of that insignificant; Ed was hanging limply on the wall, a spike piercing him.

But… that couldn't be right! He… he just couldn't be dead!

"E-Edward!" he called, choking on tears. Ed didn't move.

"P-please! A-answer me!"

Something sliced Tamaki's cheek and a hand covered his mouth. The man—the murderer—was kneeling over him with a knife.

"Hush, now," he said, "You wouldn't want to wake him up, would you? He's had a long day."

Tamaki looked over the man's shoulder at Ed's limp form, silently begging him to move.

He didn't. Not an inch. Tamaki felt the blade of the knife against his throat. All of his attention was now on the man in front of him.

"You look like you could use a good nap, as well," he said with what could only be characterized as sadistic glee. Tears poured down Tamaki's cheeks. He was going to die. This man was going to kill him just like he'd killed Ed. He closed his eyes in fear and waited for death: the final slice, the final pain.

…

It didn't come. He could feel the hand leave his mouth and the knife leave his throat. Suddenly, the spikes in his hands were gone, too. He opened his eyes and saw Ed kneeling before him, alive. Beaten and bloody, but alive.

He pulled Ed into a tight hug. Tamaki was shaking and crying and thanking the powers that be for allowing them both to survive. Ed didn't try to pull away. At this point, he really didn't want to nor did he have the strength. He was losing a lot of blood and felt very weak.

"Ootori-senpai. He's out," Ed muttered.

Kyouya's voice came through the small communicator in his ear: _"Good. Shall I send the troops in?"_

"Yeah. And Zolnerowich. The guy's got circles hidden all over him. We should keep him unconscious until we can check him over."

"_Right."_

With that last piece of business out of the way, Ed passed out.

SceneChange

Ed woke up in a hospital room to a familiar face. Or, rather, a familiar helmet.

"Good to see you awake, Brother!"

"Al? What are you doing here?" Ed asked. He sat up, groaning a little as he did so.

"I flew over the second I heard you were hurt," Al replied.

"Flew? How did you get past airport security?" Ed asked.

"Uhhh…" Al looked down.

"You went as luggage, didn't you?" Ed guessed. Al laughed nervously. Theory proven.

"Listen, Brother, you got really lucky this time," Al said seriously, pointing at Ed's now-bandaged wound. Ed placed a hand over it.

"I know, I know," he said. The two were silent for a moment, and then Al spoke up.

"I told Tamaki everything."

Ed tensed a little.

"How did he take it?" he asked.

"Well… he's actually been pretty quiet," said Al.

Before anything else could be said, the door flew open and two orange blurs attacked Ed.

"You're awake!" said one.

"We were so worried!" said the other.

"Get off!" Ed growled through gritted teeth.

"Be careful! Ed-chan is still hurt!" said a small boy. He was sitting on the shoulders of a taller boy who was nodding in agreement. Ed was released.

"How are you feeling?" asked the girl who'd walked in last.

"I'll live," Ed replied.

"I'm sorry, but who are all of you?" Al asked. Their entrance had startled him. They introduced themselves.

"Oh! I've heard of you all from Tamaki's letters. My name is Alphonse," he said, bowing.

"Hang on. Doesn't that mean you're the youngest brother?" Haruhi asked. Al nodded and the twins bust out in laughter.

"You've got to be kidding me!" said Hikaru.

"He's talker than Milord!" said Kaoru. They proceeded to roll on the floor. An aura of anger formed around Ed.

Honey popped up onto Al's shoulders.

"Wow, Al-chan! You must be really strong to carry that armor around!" he said.

"Uhh…thanks," Al said nervously.

Ed was leaning towards the twins with a murderous look in his eyes when the door opened again. It was Tamaki. He didn't greet them cheerfully or cause any more unnecessary dramatics or even smile. He just… kind of… stood there. Everyone grew silent.

"I would like to speak with my brothers alone for a moment," he said.

"Sure, Senpai," said Haruhi. The rest of the group left silently, but not without a few worried glances at their king. The door closed behind them.

Ed and Al looked at Tamaki expectantly. After a few more moments of silence, he spoke up.

"I'm worried for you two," he said.

"Look, Tamaki, this is something we have to do…" Ed began, but Tamaki held up a hand to stop him.

"I understand, and I want you two to get your bodies back as soon as possible," he said, "I've been thinking about this a lot. When I heard that whole story, I just wanted to take you in and protect you from the rest of the world. I didn't want you to get hurt any more than you already had been. However, I've realized I can't do that. You need to fix things and you are strong enough to do so." He walked up and hugged his brothers.

"I just want you to know that, if you ever need me, I'll be here, and you're always welcome."

"Thanks, Onii-chan," said Al, hugging him back.

Ed even smiled a little and said "Yeah. Thanks."

Tamaki released them after a while.

"Now then!" he said, his mood completely turning around, "I say we have a party to speed up your recovery!"

"What about your recovery?" Al asked, looking at Tamaki's bandaged palms and the stitches in his cheek.

"I can always count on my naturally cheery aura, but Ed needs a little help," he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ed asked.

"No offence, but you tend to be angry a lot," said Tamaki.

"I am not!" Ed said angrily.

Al laughed at both of them.

"It's good to have our family back together," he said.

**A/N: And we end on the note of "D'awwwww!" **

**We shall have one more chappie and then no more! It is soon to be over. But before that happens, I need to make a few important notes on the nature of Amestris in this kinda-AU world. Amestris and the countries surrounding it are a island continent much like Australia is, except it is above Japan in that expanse of ocean between Asia and the Americas. They closed their ports to the rest of the world (just like Japan did once!). It only has one plane and that is for important things like VIPs and the kind of thing that Ed is doing (yes, Yuzaru Suoh somehow counts as one of the VIPs… or maybe he used his private jet to get there… I dunno). Tourists are not allowed into Amestris and, obviously, it's extremely hard for citizens to get out. Therefore, they are not as technologically advanced as the rest of the world and have developed alchemy to an extremely high point while no other nation has. **

**That is all. **

**Good day to you. **


	10. Goodbying

**A/N: Introducing the conclusion! (note the irony). Yes, this is the last chappie, but! There is something else special I have planned for you all. Details are in the bottom author's note!**

**Disclaimer: I own it!**

**ImpressiveLookingTeamofLawers: *glares***

**Me: *sweatdrop* I don't own it! **

Ed was holding off Tamaki with his foot and the twins with both hands, which didn't leave him any limbs to pry Honey off of the leg he was standing on.

"What is with you guys and the unnecessary dramatics! ?" he shouted.

"I've been asking that question ever since I joined the Host Club," said Haruhi.

Al was standing next to her, holding Ed's suitcase and sweatdropping. Kyouya was on her other side, looking rather amused.

And Mori just stood there.

Ed and Al were at the airport, preparting to board a plane back to Amestris. The Host Club had come along to see them off. It had been a couple of weeks since the incident with the other alchemist, as Tamaki had refused to let Ed go anywhere until his wounds were healed. Al had helped keep Ed from escaping through the windows or doors ("He _is_ the oldest, Ed." "Whose side are you on, Al! ? !").

They informed the Host Club about what was really going on, minus the attempted human transmutation. They felt the less people who knew about that, the better, not to mention it was a hard story to tell.

"These dramatics are _absolutely _necessary!" cried Tamaki, suddenly standing straight up in his "declarative" pose, "You two are leaving and I'm going to miss you!" Once again, he wailed in an overly-dramatic fashion. Al walked over and patted him on the back.

"It's okay, Onii-chan. We won't be gone forever," he said. Tamaki turned around and glomped him.

"I'm still going to miss you!" he cried. Al's composure broke. He hugged his brother back and would have cried overly-dramatic tears, too, if he could.

"I'll miss you, too!" he cried.

Ed watched the scene and sweatdropped, wondering how the hell he was related to those two. Finally, the twins broke through Ed's defenses, creating the infamous Twin-Glomp-Sandwich. Honey was still connected to his leg.

"Please don't leave, Ed-chan!" he said, crying like the others.

"Could you all just stop?" Ed asked miserably. His plea fell upon deaf ears.

Haruhi felt bad for Ed, but, at the same time, was glad it wasn't her. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed some people coming from the plane. There were three of them: a man and woman in some sort of uniform, and a girl who seemed to be about her age.

"Hey, Kyouya-senpai, who are they?" Haruhi asked.

Kyouya looked up from his ledger that is definitely _not_ a notebook of death in_ any_ way to see what she was talking about. When he saw them he smiled and walked over to the man, saluting him. They began to speak in Amestrian.

_So much for answering my question,_ she thought.

"Ed! Al!" the girl called in greeting. Ed jerked out of his Twin-Glomp-Sandwich-induced anger upon hearing the voice.

"Winry?" he questioned. Al and Tamaki paused their dramatics and turned towards the voice.

"Winry!" they both said excitedly. They bounced over to her and the three began speaking joyfully in Amestrian.

The twins suddenly lost interest in smothering Ed.

"Is that your girlfriend?" they teased, smiling evilly.

"NO! SHUT UP!" Ed shouted, blushing madly.

"Wow, Ed-chan, she's really pretty," said Honey, who'd released Ed's leg.

Ed threw his arms up in defeat and anger and walked away from the group. He noticed the man in uniform.

"Konichiwa, Hagane!" said the man, smiling and waving.

Ed began to yell at him in Amestrian. The man laughed and ruffled Ed's hair none too gently. He said something and Ed exploded. Out of habit, Mori went to hold him back. It was pretty obvious what had happened: the man had called Ed short and was enjoying the reaction.

"That's Colonel Roy Mustang and his subordinate, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Ed works under him in the military," said Kyouya, finally answering Haruhi's question.

Winry had walked over to Ed. She was saying something to him and tugging on his right sleeve. Ed quickly pulled his arm behind his back and said something while smiling a little _too_ widely. Winry folded her arms and glared at him. Ed caved, holding out his arm to her. When she pulled the sleeve up, her eyes widened. The automail was covered in gashes, with a few pieces falling off.

"Poor Win-chan. She must get so worried about Ed-chan," said Honey. The rest of the group agreed, thinking that her eyes had widened because she was worried about him.

What happened next surprised them. There was a shout and a CRASH! and Ed was on the floor, Winry standing over him with a bloodied wrench and a furious expression. Al and Tamaki hugged each other in fear.

Once Ed's head stopped spinning, the yelling match began. Al and Tamaki backed up towards to Host Club.

"What just happened?" Haruhi asked.

"Winry got mad because Ed broke her automail," Al explained, with a muttered "Again."

"I just wish they could flirt in a less terrifying way," Tamaki said as the wrench crashed into Ed's head for a second time.

"That's flirting?" the twins asked incredulously.

"Love is a mysterious mistress," Kyouya commented, writing in his Not-A-Death-Note.

The Colonel was watching the two as well, trying to suppress laughter. He turned to Tamaki.

"You must be the oldest one," he said in thickly accented Japanese.

"Yes, I'm Tamaki, sir," he said, smiling and saluting the man.

"Well, that proves it. Hagane _is_ the runt of the family," said Mustang, loud enough for Ed to hear.

"I HEARD THAT, YOU BASTARD!" Ed shouted. Mustang laughed and Ed began one of his short rants in Amestrian, while trying very hard to wriggle out of Mori's grasp and strangle Mustang.

Eventually, things calmed down. Introductions were made and, all too soon, it was time for Ed and Al to go. The beginning of this chapter happened all over again, with Al and Tamaki dramatically crying into each other's arms and Ed stuck in the middle of a Twin-Glomp-Sandwich.

"Alright, everyone, I think you've bothered them enough," said Kyouya after a few minutes. They all backed off reluctantly, still sniffling a little.

"It was nice meeting you, Ed-kun," said Haruhi, bowing. Ed bowed as well.

"You, too, Fujioka-kun," he said. They shook hands and Al and Haurhi bowed to one another in goodbye.

"Bye, Honey-senpai, Mori-senpai," Ed said, turning to the pair.

"B-Bye, Ed-chan," Honey said through tears. Mori walked up to Ed and patted his head, then did the same to Al.

Ed turned to Kyouya. He sighed, swallowing his pride.

"I hate saying this, Ootori-senpai, but," Ed bowed, "Thank you for your help." Kyouya smiled in a self-satisfied way.

"Anything for a friend," he said, which, if we translate it from Kyouya-language, means "Anything to use your social standing for my own gain."

Ed turned to Tamaki, closed his eyes tightly, and opened and opened his arms.

"Just get it over with," he said. Tamaki gasped excitedly and glomped Ed. When he was finished, he walked over to Winry and gave her a hug as well, telling her how nice it was to see her again in Amestrian.

"Hey, you two," said Ed, pointing to the twins, "Make sure our little 'project' doesn't die."

They saluted him and said "Yes, sir!"

"Project? What project?" Tamaki asked, now worried.

"Nothing," Ed and the twins said simultaneously, each wearing an evil expression.

"Wait a minute, Ed-kun. I thought you didn't like the twins," said Haruhi.

"I don't," Ed replied, as if they weren't plotting something together.

"That's why you shouldn't worry about it," said the twins. That did nothing to calm anyone's fears.

Winry walked over and began to pull Ed towards the plane by his braid. She was eager to get started on her automail. She turned back and grinned, waving at them all. Ed and Al did the same. The trio boarded the plane. Mustang went to follow them.

"**Colonel?"** he heard Kyouya say in Amestrian, his voice low. Mustang turned to him.

"**I hope you get that 'promotion' soon. I would hate to see all of the secrets of Amestris confined there forever," **Kyouya said.

Mustang smirked and nodded at the boy. He was _going _to become Fuhrer, and when that happened, not only would all of the female officers be wearing tiny miniskirts, but the ports of Amestris would be open to the rest of the world. Hopefully, with peace talks, the other countries would do the same.

He and his subordinate boarded the plane, and they were gone.

**A/N: THE END! **

**Well, that was fun! But I have something more! As I stated in the above author's note, I shall give you the details of this special something.**

**It is an interview of the cast and crew of this story. You can ask any questions you want! Ask the characters of FMA and Ouran, ask me, ask L in fact! **

**L: That's right. I was mentioned. **

**Me: So leave your questions in your reviews or send me a PM! Anything you want, just get those questions out there. And, to be completely honest, I'm rather impatient, so the faster you ask, the more of a chance you have of getting your answers in fanfic form! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! **

**L: I apologize, she's been stealing my sugar. **

**Me: YOU OFFERED! **

**L: Keep telling yourself that. It doesn't change the fact that you are 100% guilty of this crime, making you a part of the rebel alliance and a traitor. Take her away. **


	11. SUPER IMPORTANT AN! ! ! !

**Okay! So this is important! Reallly REALLLY important!**

**I haven't been getting enough reviews for the final chappie that I'm posting for this story. It's a cast and crew interview of anyone in this story that you can think of! Even the ones that were mentioned once and obscurely! Like L! **

**L: We're doing this again? I'm very busy.**

**Me: Make time! Or else! **

**L: Or else what? I've really got nothing to worry about, see as how I [SPOILER BLOCK! ! ! ! ! ! ! !]**

**Me: Anyways! Please review with questions! I love you all and thanks for reading my story! **


	12. Cast and Crew Interview!

Me: *holding sheets with questions on them* Hi, there. In this extra-special chappie, we will be holding a Q&A session with the cast, crew, and everyone in between! I do want to start out with some things I've answered people about in the past. First off, to do with lineage. Papa Hoho and Trisha are the parents of all the boys, including Tamaki. As for Yuzuru Suoh, he is just a friend of the family (Hoenheim met lotsa peeps on his travels and such). Yuzuru promised Trisha a better life for one of her sons, cuz he needed a reason to divorce the wife he hated and be with the woman he loved (conceited, I know, but that's how it went down). Tamaki left just after Trisha died and lived in France for a few years before Grandma Suoh let him come to Japan.

Now that that's out of the way, on with the Q&A! *holds up sheet and begins reading*

_**What is the "project" that Ed and the twins are up to and how will it affect Tamaki?**_

Me: Well, you guys?

Ed and Twins: Wait for it…

Tamaki: (screams and runs into room) MAMA! ! ! ! ! ! (hides behind Kyouya and points at door) There's a monster in there! Fix it!

Kyouya: (sighs) Fine. (walks over to door and opens it) Where did you three get a giant, man-eating plant?

Ed and Twins: (burst out into laughter)

Tamaki: What! It was you three? (points to plant) Explain this!

Jim(that's the plant's name. Isn't it great!): (snaps at Tamaki)

Tamaki: Eep! (hides behind Kyouya again)

Ed and Twins: (still laughing and now pointing at me)

Tamaki: Author-san? How could you! ?

Me: My mom wouldn't let me keep him in the house! I didn't know that they were planning this! Bad Jim! No eating Tamaki!

Kyouya: Well, it can't stay here.

Jim: (sneaks up behind Kyouya and opens mouth)

Kyouya: (hits Jim with Totally-Normal-Notebook)

Jim: (yelps and shies away)

Me: Aw! But Kyouya!

Kyouya: No.

_**Can I have L's sugar?**_

Me: Guys, where did L go? He's got to answer this question.

All: (points at WWII-esque trench with L's and Honey's heads poking out.)

Me: Well, dear reviewer, I think you should take that as a "no."

_**What is Kyouya actually writing in his Not-A-Death-Note?**_

Kyouya: (still writing) That's really none of your concern. Haruhi, stop trying to look over my shoulder.

Haruhi: Okay. Sorry. Jeez.

Kyouya: And, Author-san, please stop bringing L here.

Me: But he's teaching me how to play chess.

L: Checkmate.

Me: Damnit! How do you keep doing that in one move?

Kyouya: (snaps It-Might-Be-A-Death-Note closed irritatedly)

_**How do Kyouya and Mustang know each other?**_

Mustang: He called me to figure out more about Ed and we got to talking. He's an interesting character.

Kyouya: Indeed. I've actually helped him with his plans a little.

Ed: O.O … NOOOOOOOOO! (runs off screaming)

Tamaki: I don't get it (phone rings) Hello? (listens, jaw drops) TWO KYOUYAS! (runs off screaming)

Me: IT'S A MONSTER! A SEXY MONSTER BUT A MONSTER NONE THE LESS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! ! ! (also runs off screaming)

Everyone Else: (runs off screaming)

(The room is now empty. Mustang and Kyouya look around, and then Kyouya presses a button on a remote and the Death Note music plays.)

Mustang and Kyouya: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

_**Did L lose the Death Note or did Kyouya buy if off of him?**_

L: Please. I would never be so incompetent so as to lose the Death Note or idiotic enough to sell it to someone like _him_. As a matter of fact, there is an 80% chance of Kyouya Ootori being Kira himself and there's an 18% chance that Kira is Raito Yagami. Therefore, Kyouya Ootori is Raito Yagami.

Me: _Legasp!_ I didn't see that one coming! It's not like I'm the author or anything.

Kyouya: But what about the other 20%, L?

L: 98% of that 20% is the chance of you simply being another one of Kira's pawns, but that's highly unlikely. Kira's pawns normally have the Shinigami eyes. I have come over here a lot and admitted that I am L, yet I'm still alive. That, and there's the fact that you act like him. The last 2% is Author-san's general indecisiveness.

Me: Hey! I'm not that bad, am I?

L: Than which do you like more: Me or Kira?

Me: Uhhh…. Uhhhm…. I can't choose! ! (runs off to bash head against wall)

Kyouya: Well, now that she's gone, we can continue.

L and Kyouya: (intellectual tennis match via internal monologues)

_***SPOILER ALERT, IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED AND/OR READ DEATH NOTE, DO NOT READ THIS NEXT PART!* What did L think when Light killed him other than "I was right"?**_

Me: What is this, a Death Note fanfic?

L: It is slowly becoming one. I have concluded that everyone simply loves me too much.

Kyouya: *muttering* Egoist.

L: 25%

Kyouya: *grumbles*

L: 35%

Kyouya: *walks away*

L: 40%

Me: Hehe. He just can't win, can he? Anyways, L, what your answer to the question?

L: I was thinking that Light was going to get his _so_ bad when Near and Mellow got to him.

Me: Okay, who gave him the script?

All L Fangirls: *look guilty*

Me: I am ashamed of you all! No L plushies for you!

All L Fangirls: Nooo! We just couldn't resist him!

_**Does Tamaki get mad when somebody calls him 'ugly' like how Ed gets mad when people call him 'short'?**_

Ed: NOT SHORT! *tries to get at question*

Mori: *holds Ed back*

Me: Let us test this! Tamaki!

Tamaki: *looks over*

Me: You're ugly.

Tamaki: A-author-san? How could you? *sits in Corner of Gloom*

Me: Welp! There's your answer. *hugs Tamaki* It's okay, hon, I didn't mean it.

Tamaki: Really?

Me: *nods* Any of you fans out there want to give our lovely dear Tamaki a hug, just review!

*looks at sheets* Seems as if that was the last question! *throws sheets away* It's over! Time for a musical goodbye taken from _The Producers_!

Tamaki: Thanks for coming to see our show!

Haruhi: Sad to tell you, we've got to go!

Honey: Grab your hat and head for the door!

Mori: *holding hat*

Twins: In case you didn't notice, there ain't any more!

Kyouya: If you like our show, tell everyone but…

Ed: If you think it stinks, KEEP YOUR BIG MOUTH SHUT!

All: We're glad you came, but we have to shout…

Honey: Adios!

Tamaki: Au revoir!

Kyouya: Wiedersehen!

Twins: Ta, ta, ta!

Haruhi: Goodbye!

Ed: *arms folded* Get lost!

Me: GET OOOOOOOOOOOOOUT! Cue the SNL ending! Thanks so much to xEmeraldStarx, Chariste, and Queen NekoChan for their wonderful questions! And thanks to all of you for reading this story and reviewing! I love you all so much! Goodbye everyone! Happy trails!


End file.
